He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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