And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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