Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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