her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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