I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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