The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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