So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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