Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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