He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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