Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize