Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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