when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize