well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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