nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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