Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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