kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize