we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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