do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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