why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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