Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Congratulations! We have a period
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