We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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