mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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