he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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