i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
