i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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