So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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