why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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