If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize