i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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