Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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