That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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