it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize