i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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