You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
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Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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