There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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