The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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