The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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