I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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