Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
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The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I still have a little drunk in my system
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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