i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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