You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize