I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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