Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize