I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
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Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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