she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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