She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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