When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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