I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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