If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This house was built for laser tag.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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