that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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